A thot on Birthday....

Its again the time of the year for which i used to wait patiently,, with the school exams winding up a day or two ahead of July end... my birthday provided a perfect time for family outings, cake cuttings and yes receiving gifts.

I was in 3rd yr of my BSc, when Mumbai was wrecked by the serial bomb blasts in the local trains.. two of our college juniors got injured in the terrorist attack and of them passed away later that month ,, and the day happened to be my 21st bday.
Its been 3 yrs since,.. and today on my bday eve , i do not feel any excitement or anticipation.. it wasnt so bad last yr i guess when i had new found love in my life or the year before that when i was at home for my bday after 3 yrs..

whenever i try to plan for my bday.. the boy's face surfaces in my mind and i just cant help feel sad for his parents.. he was their only child.. he belonged to a very humble family and both his parents worked hard to get him thru school and then college.. it was only in the month of july that fateful year that his dad got him the 1st class railway pass to ease his commutation to and fro from college during rush hour. the bombs were planted only in the 1st class compartments of the trains...
He was a brilliant student too... VIKRANT though you perhaps never knew me,,, you have influenced my life in an inexplicable way!!
You made me realise what gifts lay at my disposable bestowed upon me by Life... i learnt to be thankful for little joys that i experienced..for the loving family that i have.. a doting sis... and an understanding life partner,,

Celebrating this day would always be painful,, for i cant possibly forget the pain and shock i got when i heard abt your premature demise,, it left me shattered ,, i cried ,, dunno if it was bcoz u could not pull through or bcoz it was the day you chose to give up your battle for life...or i cried for your parents who had lost their only child, their hopes pinned on you,, you were their bright future,,, you were perhaps the answers to their prayers ,, and you were their escape from a life of compromises and want.
Every year I remember the hours which followed after the news was broken to me, quite innocently by a friend, whereas my hostelites tried their best to keep the news from me.. the way each of us braved ourselves when we met at the Microlab on monday and talked about you, your parents , on the work which had to be done for u,, of the life that lay ahead.. which we had to make meaningful .. as your departure from the world suddenly had awaken us from our self imposed slumber of ignorance.

N yet,, my loved ones, my friends , they insist that i do celebrate my bday,, they reason with me,,, some quite eloquently,, others with great sagacity,, sometimes i comply with their wishes to make them happy... yes i have observed my bday for last 3 yrs.. I have gone out for dinners... invited people over meals,, bought myself cherished gifts,, thanked people for their wishes....and even felt happy and yet there is an emptiness somewhere,,,

Tomorrow again , i have to give in to my friends' request as they want to have a nice time as many memebers of the lab who were doing their summer projects here would be leaving and my bday wil provide them with an excuse to revel admist their busy schedule..

Its a girl 's apology to you who was born, years ago, on the day you chose to end your truce with life....

is it compromised fidelity?

I have been wondering just where should we draw the line? Who decides whats acceptable and what's not? When we enter into a relationship we expect the other person to remain faithful to us. If we are melodramatic we also expect our better halves to shower praises on us and if they happen to even as to look at another creature of the fairer sex we go hysterical!!
So does looking at random people on the streets and appreciating them is also infidelity? Probably not. At least i dont think so.
But what would you call this? A girl ( for the convenience of guys to imagine) is in a relationship for 2 years. She is quite a happy person and both of them dote on each other. Yet the girl harbours this secret cravings to know what her previous crushes are upto. As far is known through various sources {read gossip-mongers} she never had any serious flings upto now,, she just had been infatuated with them. Now when everybody thought that she n her boyfriend makes a lovely adorable couple , this rather anxiety of hers has made tongues waggling all over her group of friends,
Now is this cheating ? She tries to talk to those guys over the internet, or other social networking sites,, fortunately none of her crushes are in the same city as hers. Well is she being infidel to her present boyfriend?
or will this not be called cheating if her boyfriend is aware that she is still friends with people she had feelings for?

We have seen in Bollywood movies : once the person , generally the hero, has confessed his sins ,he is forgiven -coz our heroines are so tolerable and enduring.

Or does time really heal everything??

when the confession comes years after the one night stands or stranded nights actually took place and the partners in crime are no longer together, is it easier to forgive [considering again that the spouse is again a magnanimous person]

Perhaps its the other way around,, years after the confession ,, feelings mellow down ,,, the rage is no longer scrapping the wound and above all love prevails and hot tears are shed and the cheat is taken back.

so what is infidelity? Is cheating once pardonable but not if you slip again and again? Is it possible to forgive the person who cheated on yhou just because many winters have passed since that took place and your spouse begs for forgiveness? HOw sorry is he or she ? Does that help anything?


To imagine a third person when your sharing most intimate moments .. is it not cheating too? Here the other person never knows what is going on in his/ her partners mind? Is he / she moaning from your lovemaking or is he/ she craving for the phantoms in their mind?


So coming back to our friend : is she cheating on her boyfriend if she desires to talk to people who once set her heart aflutter? N will it not be cheating to have desires to talk to them in the light of her boyfriend knowing about it?

So again back to square one? whats infidelity ? where should one draw the line?
Whats acceptable ? whats intolerable? WHATS UNFORGIVABLE?